If you think that your child is obsessed with achievement and that it鈥檚 affecting their academic performance and their health, you could be right.
The prevalence of 鈥榰nhealthy鈥� perfectionism has increased over the past 30 years and continues to rise, says psychologist and researcher .
But what is perfectionism? and why is it harmful?
鈥淧erfectionism is when you鈥檙e overly concerned about making mistakes. You may strive obsessively to reach a goal that may be unrealistic, and give in to feelings of failure and self-criticism if you don鈥檛 meet that goal,鈥� Sarah explains.
鈥淚t can be about whatever鈥檚 important to you 鈥� sporting performance, appearance, academic performance, for example.鈥�
She says that parents need to watch for signs of perfectionism in children because it鈥檚 linked with health issues like anxiety, depression and eating disorders. The good news is that clinical perfectionism can be successfully treated through cognitive behaviour therapy, or CBT.
鈥淏ut if you鈥檙e worried about your child, you don鈥檛 need to take them to face-to-face counselling. Over the past 10 years, researchers have developed some very good self-guided programs for young people that are available online.鈥�
Sarah is a co-author of one such resource, . Self-guided treatments have been shown to not only lower anxiety in teenagers, but also prevent the onset of eating disorders and depression.
How does perfectionism develop?
Perfectionism is a societal issue, Sarah explains, that is often caused when children are pushed to succeed from a young age.
鈥淭here鈥檚 a pressure heap that builds from early on. We see clinical perfectionism occurring in children from early primary-school age 鈥� particularly if their parents are perfectionists.鈥�
Are girls more prone to perfectionism than boys?
鈥淭here鈥檚 no evidence to suggest a gender link, but the pressure of social media 鈥� the amount of 鈥榣ikes鈥� for an Instagram selfie, for example 鈥� has made many young women more obsessive about their appearance, and perfectionism is definitely a risk factor for eating disorders.鈥�
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. Children who obsessively strive for the highest standards can suffer from burn-out (think child tennis prodigies), but perfectionism is also linked with procrastination. A child may continually postpone doing their homework, for example, to avoid mistakes and the risk of self-criticism and anxiety.
What parents can do about it
Parent-led approaches are vital, Sarah says.
鈥淧arents can model a balanced approach. Show your child that it鈥檚 healthy to try hard, to strive for achievement, but that you鈥檙e still a good person if you don鈥檛 reach the pinnacle 鈥� that you鈥檙e more than just how well you do at achieving your goals.
鈥淎nother idea is for your child get involved in an activity in which they鈥檒l develop new skills, while recognising they won鈥檛 reach the highest standard.
鈥淭his will help to instil a balanced approach to accomplishment. Just enjoying listening to music, rather than needing to play a musical instrument well. Having a balanced life and ensuring there鈥檚 down-time to relax.鈥�
Keep up with new research
Psychologists have been studying perfectionism only since the 1990s. Interestingly, researchers are still to examine treatments for perfectionism that support academic achievement. However, schools are becoming increasingly aware of the problem, and, despite not attracting the research funding it deserves, clinical perfectionism is gaining attention.
鈥淚f we鈥檙e going to prevent later mental health problems and under-achievement due to perfectionism, we need to start interventions in childhood,鈥� Sarah says.
鈥淲e also want young people to co-design the online intervention programs we develop for treating unhelpful perfectionism.鈥�
Sarah and her PhD student Amy O鈥橞rien are heavily involved in this field. Amy鈥檚 current study is further examining internet treatment for perfectionism, focusing on female teenagers who are concerned about their body shape, weight and eating habits.
